Childhood was Abusive

I have to admit I feel for you. I am going through a similar experience although 10 years younger than yourself. I knew I was cracking up, desperate to be locked up in a padded cell after a lifetime of working hard, being a good and honest person.

I too am lucky enough to have a very understanding, patient partner, who is prepared to wait. I am two years into my therapy and only now beginning to understand that my childhood was abusive, horribly so. I still don't trust my therapist but he is so patient and waits for me to catch up. I don't yet understand his motive and why he still keeps seeing me but I hope one day I will.

To have to learn to deal with emotions and feelings after a lifetime of being numb is a frightening experience. With an adult's responsibilities, it is even worse. Some days you feel yourself going insane, unable to understand what is happening to you. And sometimes I find myself collapsing into tears for no apparent reason. That is what scares me. The vulnerability.

I wish you luck with what must seem to be an insurmountable task and I am with you in the frantic struggle to find out exactly who we are and what we want at this late stage in life.

Nicky