Child Incest: The Effects of Molestation Can Last a LifetimeIncest is a profound form of child abuse because it is a dual betrayal. Not only is the child's innocence and trust ruptured by the father whom she depends on for her safety and well-being, but the child is abandoned by the mother— the one person in the world who should be willing to do whatever it takes to protect her daughter, even if it means leaving the man she depends on. Instead of taking care of her daughter's dependency needs, this selfish, frightened, deadbeat mom attends to her own. One of the most devastating effects of child incest comes from the confusing constellation of feelings it creates: the incest was bad and shameful, but the act itself—the attention, contact and fondling by an attentive parent—may have created sensations that made the child feel good. Due to this, a child of incest usually ends up with a strong sense of self-loathing and unworthiness. There is such a strong conflict between the power of the sexual experience and the interruption of the developmental process that most therapists don't know how to deal with victims of child incest and often make the situation worse because they enable the patient as a full time victim. This becomes a vicious cycle and a justification for maladaptive behavior.
Most victims punish themselves unconsciously because they feel that they are intrinsically unworthy. As adults, they may choose husbands who treat them poorly, careers that do not fulfill them and make other choices that create a lifetime of suffering in big and small ways. Or they may go the other way and their status as a child incest victim may make them feel self-entitled. Some incest victims drown their past in alcohol or drugs. They may have borderline personality disorder which is characterized by sudden changes in temperament and by the statement: I hate you, but don't you dare leave me. They are also at risk for post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression and phobias. Some become hypersexual as adults; while others are frigid and cannot let go with anyone, even a partner who they are beginning to trust in other ways. Their relationships with significant others tend to be dysfunctional because they have an underlying sense of mistrust for people, do not feel safe in the world and develop a secret self. Whatever the symptoms, child incest destroys the innocence of a child and leaves a ruinous future in its wake. Therapy can help, however, the focus in therapy should be on learning how to get past childhood trauma and value the self. Many therapists do this by guiding adults to reconnect with the inner child, feel her openness, vulnerability and desire to be loved by her parents and recognize that she was not the bad one, nor was she responsible in any way for her sexual abuse. By learning to love and parent that little girl who did not have parents who valued or cherished her, adult victims of child incest can heal from their experiences, own their power and beauty and consciously change their course in life. If you are interested in therapy to get past experiences of child sexual abuse, my husband is a therapist who has specialized in working with trauma victims for over thirty years. To learn more, click on the Contact Us link on the navigation bar to the left and I will put you in touch with him. Note: therapy is a long term commitment that requires money and time. You must be committed to the process in order to heal and recreate your life. About the Author: Laura Ramirez is the author of the award-winning parenting book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting, which is about how raising your children to discover their strengths can help you find your own. Her book won a Nautilus Award sponsored by Martha Stewart Omnivision for "books that promote conscious living and social change." Click below to read letters from an adult survivor of child incest to her mother and father about their failure to be the parents she needed them to be. Make sure to come back to this page and post your comments and stories.
Please feel free to post your comments and stories on child incest and its effects below. Also, you can read comments and stories submitted by others. Recommended Reading: Do you have comments or stories about child incest?Do you have comments, stories or questions about child incest? Submit them below. Comments & Stories about Child Incest Submitted by Other ParentsClick below to see comments and stories about child incest from other visitors to this page...
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I have been molested by my father and other people
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I was pampered and groomed by my mother to be her husband.
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My father used me sexually from age 4 to age 30
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I was married to such a victim
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My (not yet ex) husband has started dating a child of incest and is bringing my son with him
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Terrible Guilt Due to Child Incest
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How Incest Affected Me
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Regarding The letter to the Mother I Never Had
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Some of the symptoms of child incest include low self esteem, depression, developmental autisms (growth is often stunted at the time that the trauma first occurred), eating disorders, fear of doctors and dentists, thoughts that interfere with healthy behaviors and the inability to form intimate relationships with others or be authentic sexually as an adult because they have difficulty sharing intimate thoughts from sexual experience. 
