Child Incest: The Effects of Molestation Can Last a Lifetime
First, some facts and statistics. Incest includes contact between family members who are not married and whose marriage would be considered illegal. It is estimated that one million Americans have been victims of incest with 16,000 new cases each year. Although there are no hard statistics for how often child incest occurs (the shroud of secrecy means that most cases go unreported), it is known that seventy-five percent of incest cases take place between fathers and daughters or step-daughters. When this happens, the mother is usually living in the home and aware of what's going on, at least on some level, even though she may deny it. Incest is a profound form of child abuse because it is a dual betrayal. Not only is the child's innocence and trust ruptured by the father whom she depends on for her safety and well-being, but the child is abandoned by the mother— the one person in the world who should be willing to do whatever it takes to protect her daughter, even if it means leaving the man she depends on. Instead of taking care of her daughter's dependency needs, this selfish, frightened, deadbeat mom attends to her own. One of the most devastating effects of child incest comes from the confusing constellation of feelings it creates: the incest was bad and shameful, but the act itself—the attention, contact and fondling by an attentive parent—may have created sensations that made the child feel good. Due to this, a child of incest usually ends up with a strong sense of self-loathing and unworthiness. There is such a strong conflict between the power of the sexual experience and the interruption of the developmental process that most therapists don't know how to deal with victims of child incest and often make the situation worse because they enable the patient as a full time victim. This becomes a vicious cycle and a justification for maladaptive behavior.
Most victims punish themselves unconsciously because they feel that they are intrinsically unworthy. As adults, they may choose husbands who treat them poorly, careers that do not fulfill them and make other choices that create a lifetime of suffering in big and small ways. Or they may go the other way and their status as a child incest victim may make them feel self-entitled. Some incest victims drown their past in alcohol or drugs. They Whatever the symptoms, child incest destroys the innocence of a child and leaves a ruinous future in its wake. Therapy can help, however, the focus in therapy should be on learning how to get past childhood trauma and value the self. Many therapists do this by guiding adults to reconnect with the inner child, feel her openness, vulnerability and desire to be loved by her parents and recognize that she was not the bad one, nor was she responsible in any way for her sexual abuse. By learning to love and parent that little girl who did not have parents who valued or cherished her, adult victims of child incest can heal from their experiences, own their power and beauty and consciously change their course in life. If you are interested in therapy to get past experiences of child sexual abuse, my husband is a therapist who has specialized in working with trauma victims for over thirty years. To learn more, click on the Contact Us link on the navigation bar to the left and I will put you in touch with him. Note: therapy is a long term commitment that requires money and time. You must be committed to the process in order to heal and recreate your life. About the Author: Laura Ramirez is the author of the award-winning parenting book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting, which is about how raising your children to discover their strengths can help you find your own. Her book won a Nautilus Award sponsored by Martha Stewart Omnivision for "books that promote conscious living and social change." Click below to read letters from an adult survivor of child incest to her mother and father about their failure to be the parents she needed them to be. Make sure to come back to this page and post your comments and stories.
Please feel free to post your comments and stories on child incest and its effects below. Also, you can read comments and stories submitted by others. Recommended Reading: Do you have comments or stories about child incest?Do you have comments, stories or questions about child incest? Submit them below. Comments & Stories about Child Incest Submitted by Other ParentsClick below to see comments and stories about child incest from other visitors to this page...
How Incest Affected Me
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Forgotten Rape
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Incest - My Brother and Me
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Incest and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
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Regarding The letter to the Mother I Never Had
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Some of the symptoms of child incest include low self esteem, depression, developmental autisms (growth is often stunted at the time that the trauma first occurred), eating disorders, fear of doctors and dentists, thoughts that interfere with healthy behaviors and the inability to form intimate relationships with others or be authentic sexually as an adult because they have difficulty sharing intimate thoughts from sexual experience. 