Many moms (and dads too, for that matter) feel confused, sad, and lonely when their children use the title 'Mom' or 'Dad' to refer to their step-parents. To many parents, this feels like being rejected and disrespected (either by their own child when he/she is old enough to make the decision on their own or by the step-parent and parent who suggests/pushes/insists on this title). To them, the title of 'Mom' or 'Dad' is one that is special and unique and should be used properly for the correct person. On the other side of the fence, step-families sometimes require all the children to call the heads of family 'Mom' or 'Dad' in order to avoid public embarrassment, avoiding disclosure that their families are, in face, mixed families. Calling the step-parent by that title ("This is my stepmom", for example.) It is also very common in various cultural groups for the teenaged or 20-something daughters to even be cruel to their own mothers because of their negative feelings towards their moms, and calling someone else 'Mom' can be one way of knowingly creating certain emotional pain, something that can be delightful to someone looking for revenge or to inflict intentional pain. And there is also those who would call almost anyone 'Mom' or 'Dad' because they don't really care one way or the other and are oblivious to the emotional responses doing that causes in other people. My daughters call their stepmother 'mom' and I constantly have to pull myself out of the feelings of personal pain to look at it this way: "So what?!!"
Nov 13, 2009 Rating
View from a Stepmother by: Anonymous
I am actually a stepmother myself. My stepdaughter is 4 years old and her father and I have only been married since this summer. I also am a mother of an 8 year old from my previous marriage.
Sometimes my stepdaughter will call me mom. I don't correct her and tell her that she should call me by my name because I am not her mother but I also don't encourage her to call me mom.
In my opinion, she needs to call me whatever she feels comfortable calling me and in your case the same with your daughter. If she is comfortable calling her stepmother, mom, than that's okay.
She will always know who her "real" mother is and I would assume you are confident in your relationship with your daughter that it shouldn't be a problem. I'm not sure if this helps at all but I just thought I would offer my opinion. Good Luck.
Nov 12, 2009 Rating
Step parents what should they be called? by: Anonymous
I think in your case your daughter probably shouldn't call her father's wife Mom, as you are obviously a big part of her life. I know in some cases, the step children call a step parent mom or dad but that is because their parent has no interest or contact with them and the step parent has been more of a father or mother figure than their biological one.
I am a step parent and my step son lives with me but he has never called me mom and I have never thought he should as his mother is in his life. I also have 2 daughters and would be devastated if they called someone else mom. Maybe your daughter is doing it to make this other woman feel welcome or she is maybe trying to fit in to her father's new family.
