blaming the mother

Why do they seem to blame the mother if there is father daughter incest. They try to say that in most cases the mother knows about it. In my case, I had no idea that this was going on. I came from a generation that never even heard of such a thing. I don't remember seeing anything sexual. The only thing was he would give her a nice hug when he came home, which I seen that as a father daughter hug, as parents do give their children a warm hug. He never gave our son a hug, but maybe because he looked at him as being a male. To this day, he has no contact with our son, but only with our daughter. If this incest was going on, it had to be when I was gone out of town---200 miles away to take care of my aging, and ill parents. My mother didn't drive, and she constantly wanted me to come home---the home I grew up in---and take her to the nearest city which was 25 miles away for her shopping and her doctor and dental appointment, eye exams,groceries etc. If I couldn't come, she would get very upset with me and this made me feel guilty---as she said that I was the daughter and it was my job to take care of them. I was there when she had to have her cataracts removed, glasses changed, and then she developed breast cancer, and I again was constantly taking care of her as well. Even thought I had a brother, she said it was my job because I was the girl. She threatened to cut me out of her will if I wasn't available to her. I did spend a fair amount of time having to take care of her, and prior to that it was my father that became ill as well. I even had to go and paint their house one summer, as they weren't going to hire anyone, and I was the daughter, so it was my job. I had also worked part time at that time, so I was also at the office several times a week. When my daughter was younger, he constantly complained about her that she never had any friends at school, and couldn't seem to connect with anyone. My heart went out to her. Her father constantly complained that I was always buying and doing things for her. I wanted to make her happly, so she would remember having a good childhood. I told the father that after she finishes her school and gets a full time job, and gets out on her own, then it will be my turn to do some things for myself. But when the daughter turned 21, and was still at home, she instead was kicking me out, because her father told her that if I would leave, then everything would be hers. She tried to follow his direction, but I won, and stayed, and she had to leave instead. She has hated me since. It's funny how the father had no interest in the daughter at all until she turned 14-15, and started to develop. Then she became the apple of his eye, and she loved all the attention that she was getting from him, and then started to hate me with a passion, after listening to her father about how her mother was dumb, stupid, and had rocks in her head, and how she didn't have to listen or do anything her mother told her, because her daddy said so. WOW I still love her deeply, as she was always very special to me, and it really hurts, and I have cried many times, that I have lost her. If anyone has any comments, whether positive or negative, please answer this blog. I was torn between being a mother for my daughter, and aging parents that had demands on me. WHY are they blaming the mother? I feel that this is so unfair, and I feel that I'm being victimized. If I would have known that this was going on, I would have left the father much sooner, instead of putting up with his alcoholism and his women, and abuse while being married to him. I stayed for 31 years---couldn't leave, because my mother said I would bring the family shame in their old age, and to just ignore him.

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