Biracial Child - Who am I?

by Matthew Youngson
(Maryland, USA)

Our little cutie pie LILLY!

My daughter is two years old and last night while my wife and I were bathing her she said she wanted to be white not black. I am the dad (white) and my wife is black. Needless to say my wife was really hurt by her comments. So much so that she began to tear up. I explained to my wife that she is only two. I did however understand why my wife was so hurt. I tried to explain to my daughter and my wife that she is what she is. She can not choose to be black or white. She is both. She definitely favors the white side in appearance (green eyes) but she is obviously biracial.

I tried to explain to her that she is both and regardless her appearance is what it is. She can't really choose her race. She understood what I was saying but I am not sure she bought it. The fact of the matter is her world is mostly white. My wife works three days a week and my mom watches her on those days. We rarely see my wife's side of the family as her dad is not real interested and her mom is always on travel and has little time for my wife or our daughter. All of our friends are white.

Despite the fact that she has very little exposure to black people, nothing or nobody in her life reflects black as bad. From the beginning she was always told that she was black and white which I guess is fairly obvious by looking at her parents.

She is so young that I hope this passes. I have told some of my black friends about this and they said that we should have been telling her all along that she was black. I don't really agree with this tactic but I am almost willing to go along.

I never thought this was going to be an issue. Her older sister (14), from my first marriage is white with long straight hair. She always says she wants hair like Caroline. This is a two year old. Because she is only two I feel like dismissing the whole issue but in the same light what if these feelings she is having snowballs into to something much bigger? HELP ME!