Adult Child with Aspergers
I can relate to the mother with the 9 year old who has Aspergers! My son also has Aspergers and it is so frustrating.
He is 19 now and just finished his first year of University with incredible grades (97% average) so intelligence is not the issue - in fact he's probably brilliant! But I worry about him all the time and despite resolutions to not lose it with him, I find it almost impossible to not do it. Never physically but I end up screaming at him for one reason or another.
These are the most recent examples:
- My husband and I went away for a week. His younger brother was at school all day and we had an older cousin (28) come in during the evening and at night. We have a beautiful sweet 9 year old Terrier and I thought great - Allan is home all day now from University and he'll be with her to make sure she's fed and let outside and walked during the day.
Before we left I spent a lot of time explaining the responsibility involved and how important it was to take good care of her. (She's his dog too and he SEEMS to love her). I called home one day at 4:30 pm. and Allan was still in BED!
Luckily our younger son had fed the dog before going to school but basically she had not been able to go out all day nor had she gotten any of her treats nor had she been walked. And apparently she was quite depressed on top of it because we were gone.
Since then I've discovered he was getting up in the morning to feed her (showed SOME responsibility I suppose) and then going back to bed and staying in bed all day! And he was talking about taking her to the vet as she "didn't seem herself" GRRRRR..
Oh, and we also came back to a hole in the wall because he got frustrated with a computer download..or something like that.
- He has been able to get his driving permit for over 3 years now and we have been trying to encourage him to go. On his 16th birthday we gave him certificates for driving lessons ($800), but he's been content to have me drive him everywhere.
Ok - I reasoned he wasn't ready at 16...or even 17...but at 19, I am tired of having to build my entire schedule around him and finally
put my foot down.
So...a fight over that and even though I have to still be in the car with him for the next year at least he has his permit! But he really, really didn't understand how I might be fed up with being at his beck and call.
We were going to force him to use public transportation but our weather here in winter is so bad and he would never make it to classes on time, (you have to have a kid with Aspergers to fully understand the time issue) and University is his future salvation...we think.....we hope..so we didn't.
-Today he stayed in bed till 4 again. We have been on his back the last week about getting a job but he considers himself "on holidays" so he doesn't think he needs to get a job. And we would be ok with that for this summer IF he pulled his weight around the house, even if he just got up and took the dog for a walk.
He has managed to watch 280 episodes of Dragon Ball Z in the month since he finished classes (REAL productive and mature!)
But the final straw was when he came downstairs with jeans on that had a broken zipper and he complained he didn't have any clean clothes. I told him it was time for him to do his own laundry and when he balked at this and questioned why I couldn't do it with the rest of the laundry - "you just have to throw it in with the rest of the stuff" - I lost it.
He thinks that because he got a scholarship for university that covers his tuition (not books or transportation or spending money or any of the rest of it) that's the end of his responsibility! He just doesn't get it.
He ended up blaming everything on me (and at that point I admit I was screaming) and threw a plate that shattered into a million pieces on the floor. I ended up telling him I wish he'd move out.....and honestly....sometimes I actually wish he would...well not really but only because I think he wouldn't be able to handle it.
Anyway, I know with the Aspergers I should take a different approach and I do try, but I usually end up losing it and screaming things I don't mean at him. I just can't seem to help it...I just get so frustrated!!!
I feel like I am failing him.