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May 19, 2010
Dealing with Child with Aspergers
by: Laura Ramirez

No need to apologize. Your rant was exactly what this "Bad Parenting Confession" section was intended for. I created it, so parents could share their stories, learn from them and move on.

It's tough to parent a child with a disorder, especially when your child is so intelligent and looks like an adult. It's easy to assume that he should have known better than to do this or say that. It also takes its toll on you in terms of expenditure of energy, so be a little bit easier on yourself.

Before interacting with your son, try to remember to take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that he has a disorder. Despite this, it's important to teach him how to navigate the real world, who will not be as patient or understanding with him.

You might consider hiring an Asperger's specialist who can teach you how to better deal with your son. This specialist should be able to suggest ways of teaching him life skills and getting him to take responsibility for certain tasks without enabling him, so that eventually, he becomes more responsible.

May 19, 2010
Adult Child With Aspergers
by: Anonymous

Hi again.

Sorry all...yesterday I had a serious need to vent. I was sooo angry at him. The incidents I had outlined were just a series involving other things as well and I guess his attitude about the laundry was "the straw that broke the camel's back". Anyway I just wanted to clarify a few things.

He was only recently actually diagnosed with Aspergers. Up to then he had been diagnosed with Tourette's, then oppositional defiance, then ADD and then OCD! But I KNEW none of them fitted exclusively what we were dealing with and it actually was a relief to bring it all together under the one label. And on top of all this he also had a life-threatening seizure when he was younger.

It has not been an easy journey and in my defense I have usually done the right most of the time. And then occasionally I lose it with him and undo everything in one fell swoop!

Overall he really is a nice kid and wants to do the right thing. When we have blowups like we did yesterday he goes through a period of time of trying so hard and being on his best behaviour so I know he really does feel badly about what he's done. (lol..yup...I hear him up...and it's only 10am! whoozers!) And the hole in the wall was not intentional...he did hit the wall out of frustration with his hand but it was plain bad luck to hit it in its weakest spot.

My biggest regret as a caution for those of you starting out or in the middle of this journey is that I way over-protected him and didn't give him enough responsibility when he was younger. Which if you're a parent of a child with a disability is normal I think. But once its done it is soooo hard to undo.

I have to constantly remind myself that it could be so much worse and to count my blessings. A child I watched come up through elementary and Junior High School with our younger son discovered cocaine and is no longer in school at age 15. Another kid got into trouble with the law. These are good families and they are going through hell. Whereas I have a kid in university who is brilliant, doesn't drink or do drugs and while immature and difficult at times is at his core a good kid. So...back to the drawing board.

Another day......another hurdle to overcome. But we SHALL prevail!

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