2 young step daughters, 1 ex wife, 1 ex girlfriend

I am recently married to a wonderful man who has some extra baggage (not meaning his daughters, but their mothers) when I first met my husband I knew he was divorced and had a beautiful daughter but I did not know that his ex girlfriend was 5 months pregnant with another girl. I guess she said it was his and then said it wasn't because she was also involved with another man (who was there and then she got pregnant with him right after she had her first baby) so I never knew about her until the baby turned 1 and my husband was served with paternity papers out of the blue. Turns out she is my husbands daughter.

So he has two. Ages 4 and 2. Meanwhile I have been in the picture for 3 years. First dealing with the ex wife because she wasnt abiding by the decree for him to have his visitations
and now the stress of the youngest because she also has a disability that doesnt allow us to have normal visitations because her mother won't let us learn about it and go to any Dr appointments.

Lately we have been seeing them both regularly and his oldest has started calling me mom and saying she has two mommys while the youngest hearing that from her sister she does too, but also tells her mother and she is furious with us. I don't know what to do because I will answer to anything but don't want to discipline the oldest for calling me mom when its the truth and she's comfortable with it.

Any suggestions?

Comments for 2 young step daughters, 1 ex wife, 1 ex girlfriend

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

May 23, 2012
Stepdaughter Calls Stepmom Mother
by: Laura Ramirez

The fact that your stepdaughter wants to call you mother is a compliment and a recognition that she sees you as being there for her. In my parenting book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting, I talk about how a mother is "one who mothers," rather than just "one who has given birth." Although I don't discount the dedication of birth mothers, there are plenty of birth mothers in this country who abuse, abandon or neglect their children in some way, so the fact that this girl sees you as a source of comfort, as "one who mothers," should cause you to smile inside. Personally, I would support this young girl's recognition of your role in her life with a loving smile. Her birth mother should be enough of an adult to deal with her feelings around this subject or to seek help if she cannot.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Step Parenting Tips, Questions & Advice.